I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
