I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Bring me that man meat
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
