Barsexuality is the new black.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
