it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize