after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
