Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize