glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
