and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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