Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
