you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
whose parrot is this?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
