just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
