i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize