I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
