I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
