I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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