i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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