I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
