apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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