i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
