The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
