I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
