Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
