just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
