A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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