you mean i was at the winter classic?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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