bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
