ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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