you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
