I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
