Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
