as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
