I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
