This girl is more easily done than said...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
