Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
