Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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