If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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