i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
