My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
