hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
