I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he puts the penis in happiness.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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