i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
