Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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