I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
