Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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