can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
