So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just pee around me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
