i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
