I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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