I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
