My friends, they love my intelligence
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
