Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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