I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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