Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
