So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
