I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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