I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize