WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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