maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
