we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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