This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
