Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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