Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
